Is 19 days long enough??

Is 19 days long enough to know whether or not gluten is the problem? I am seriously considering moving to a sugar free or dairy free diet for our son. While I have seen some minor changes with the gluten-free diet, I think we need to do more. 

I am digging deeper. I am considering sugar and dairy. I think added sugar will be easier to combat. I can provide fruit for snacks at school. In fact, he asked about fruit and asked to make a fruit salad tonight for snack at school. Someone made fruit kabobs the other day for the classroom snack and he talked non-stop about them. So, I will be introducing more fruit into his diet in place of his normal sugary diet items. 

And no more gluten free brownies! We were ALL eating them too much and none of us need them. :) 

I think sugar will be easier to combat than dairy at this point... I want to get him used to eating fruit and vegetables before I take milk and cheese and all that from him at this point. And maybe it's simply a sugar hyperactivity thing. 

Gluten wasn't enough... Next step, sugar. If that's not enough, then we'll eliminate dairy as well. 

14 Day Update

November 1, yesterday, would have been Day 14. I think I'm seeing some changes, but I wonder if they're actual changes or if I'm just seeing coincidental differences that I wouldn't see if I wasn't looking for them.

One change I've noticed is that DS has more good days now. And by good days, I mean good days at home. Saturday (or maybe it was Sunday) morning, we were laying in bed because it was too early to get up. If he was disturbing my ability to snooze a bit longer, I would ask him to stop and he would. He wouldn't remained stopped for long, but he would stop. Before, it always seemed like he'd just flat out ignore my request and keep doing it.

When we get home from school, grandma's, etc, he takes his shoes off and has been putting them away.

When he turns the sleeves of his coat right side out on his own now instead of whining that he can't do it and asking me to do it.

He is putting on his socks himself instead of whining that he can't do it and driving me nuts to the point that I do it for him just to get it done.

The other night we went to the grocery store to pick up some Betty Crocker Gluten Free Brownies for his snack at school this week (there was a birthday, so we needed a gluten free snack). He behaved like a little man! I was so proud. He walked next to me, he stayed with me and didn't run all over the store. He carried the groceries like a gentleman, set them in the car nicely. He then walked back up to the store to use the trash can, waited for the cars to allow him to cross the road way and walked back to our car. Calm, well behaved. That NEVER used to happen! I would have to go with him, be constantly reminding him to watch for traffic, and asking him to slow down so he didn't get too far away from me. And he NEVER used to walk next to me in the store. He'd be up and down the aisles, running around like it was a playground!

His hyperactivity seems to have been dialed back a bit. He still gets excited and rambunctious, but he's less rambunctious now. He's calmer and more in control of his body, it seems.

And I can't remember when the last time was that we had a meltdown or he talked back or argued.

Like I said, maybe I'm seeing coincidental stuff, but I'm hopeful that it's not just a coincidence. I'm hopeful that this diet is shaping my son into a gentleman instead of a rowdy kid. Most of all, I'm hopeful that others are seeing the changes as well.

His behavior chart at school doesn't seem to be changing much, but I think over time it will. We're still having trouble with him making noises with his mouth during class, but I think with more time, that will change too.

Update

Just a quick update. I was too busy this weekend to post an update, so here you go.

Friday, DS got in trouble at the daycare. They sent a note home with him stating that he fought with a kid while they were playing a game, got placed in time out numerous times and asked multiple times to change his current action to something else (redirection, I suppose). I coded this as red on his behavior chart. The daycare rarely notifies me of his behavior, so to get a note is pretty significant, I think.

Saturday, DH and I went hunting, so DS was with his grandma. She said he was pretty good, but as soon as we showed up, he got hyper and crazy. Running through the house, purposely running into things, just generally wound up. Got him home without too many tears and we took naps. When he woke up, my mom was there to babysit because DH and I went hunting again. (DH got a deer, so that's a plus. Super Paleo food for the freezer!!)

Sunday, I took DS with me to go grocery shopping. We stopped by the hospital to get our blood drawn for some labs (me for cholesterol and thyroid screening and DS for a lead screening for kindergarten). Then we went to the grocery store. He was pretty good. He was bored, so of course he was doing things that were kind of annoying me, but in general, he was well behaved. He wasn't running through the store, he wasn't being loud. He was just being antsy and bored. We had trouble come naptime though. He didn't want to lay down and take his nap. I finally turned the channel on the tv from his cartoons (I was letting him nap on the couch as a treat for being so good during our shopping adventure) and he eventually fell asleep. I think he slept for about an hour and a half. Not entirely sure though b/c I slept too. ;)

That evening, we had some sibling fighting taking place, some general "I don't want to do this" attitude, and DD was whiney and driving me bonkers. We had dinner, we had baths. I sat down with DS to do his reading assignment for school and he was being a turd... that's all the better I can explain it. I know he knew the words but he was choosing not to read them. I finally took the book from him and said "Fine. If you're not going to do this right, you might as well just go to bed. I'm not fighting you anymore." I got up, put DD to bed (who fought me for the next half hour). DS finally decided that he would read the materials he was supposed to read, read them flawlessly, and went to bed. It was frustrating to say the least.

Monday started out HORRIBLY, though! DS didn't want to listen, the dogs took off and wouldn't come back and the cat snuck out the door when I opened it to call the dogs. I was a half hour late to work after finally finding the dogs and getting them locked in the house - with the help of my mother-in-law and neighbor. I could just tell it was going to be a splendid day for DS at school because he was upset about his dogs being gone. I called the daycare to let them know that the dogs were home so they could tell DS. He ended up getting blue for the day at school because he wouldn't listen. So, no cartoons, computer, Leapster games, etc for DS last night. He went to bed without a fuss.

This morning was a dream come true! I only had to ask him twice to put his underwear on. I only had to ask him twice to put his pants on. He didn't have a fit when I cracked the egg into the pan for his breakfast instead of him. He ate his breakfast without constant reminders to eat. He went to the car when told. He did whine that his bookbag was too heavy and that he wasn't able to get out of the car b/c it was too heavy and wanted me to carry it, etc. I told him he was fine, helped him out of the car and that was it. I am confident that he will end up with either yellow or green today. I asked him what color he was going to get and he said "Yellow. Y-E-L-L-O-W yellow". lol Goofy kid. I hope does.

He is officially 4 days gluten free. He complained about his lunch being "boring". I asked him what he wants for lunch. He said "Pizza". I replied with "gluten". I told him what he gets is basically a lunchable, which he loved, but without crackers, and he never complained about his lunchables. I told him he gets juice and a go-gurt every day and that he loves his go-gurt and his juice. I told him he can have whatever meat and whatever cheese he wants, but at a minimum, he will have meat and cheese in his lunch for his protein and fat. If he wants anything in addition to that, he's welcome to it, as long as it fits in the parameters of the no gluten requirement. Of course, I used language a 5 year old would understand. He seemed content with that decision. He did, however, tell me he doesn't want cold lunch today, he wants hot... so I need to check the school lunch menu and make sure that whatever he's having today will be gluten free or we're starting over... again.

Today's lunch is a "mega burger with bun", broccoli and rice dish, carrot sticks and mandarin oranges. Aside from the bun, I'd be happy with that lunch. Tomorrow might be a bigger fight, though... they're having white cake with chocolate frosting... might have to whip up that batch of gluten free brownies that's sitting in the pantry and send one with him so he doesn't want the cake. :)

Anyhow, that's a quick synopsis of our weekend and the start of our week.

Parenting Techniques for ODD

Because I don't want to only focus on diet, because really, diet is only a portion of what we need to do to make life easy, I am also going to look into parenting techniques for children with ODD. Again, my son may not actually HAVE ODD, but he displays an alarming number of the signs and symptoms.

I have been searching the web all day and found a website called Empowering Parents. They have a questionnaire you can answer to receive specialized parenting tips for children who have or may have ODD. I asked for information regarding angry outbursts or explosive behavior , disrespect or verbal abuse, hitting or destroying property, and Ignoring disciplinary efforts and consequences. I plan to copy and paste the emails here for future reference, but mostly because I think it's great information that could help someone else out.

Here is the first email, focusing on angry outbursts. Not surprisingly at all, I have been going about this all wrong. No wonder we're not getting anywhere with him!

Your Personal Parenting Plan

Dear Jenn,

When your child has angry outbursts if he doesn’t get his way, it sets you and your entire family on edge. Most parents never anticipate having to deal with explosive behavior in their child and, understandably, have no idea how to handle it. But you need to know what to do because, if left unchecked, this behavior can spell big trouble later on for your child.

In this part of your Personal Parenting Plan, I’ll give you 4 rules that I’ve found to be very effective when dealing with children who act out in anger.

1. Don’t challenge your child when he’s angry. Many times parents deal with angry outbursts by challenging their kids in the heat of the moment or yelling back. Challenging or confronting your child about misbehavior when he’s angry is like throwing a lit match onto a pile of firecrackers. The result will be an outburst that’s bigger, hotter and angrier. The best immediate response to your child’s anger is no emotion at all. Just stay as level and calm as you can. When you can stay calm, you’re lending your child your strength in these moments.

2. Don’t try to reason or use logic with a child who’s losing it. Sometimes parents do the opposite of the angry challenge. They try reasoning or being logical with the child when he’s having a tirade. At first blush, this might seem to make sense. After all, as adults we use logic to work through tense, difficult situations. The problem is, children and teenagers don’t have the ability to stop and reason the way we do. Your “logic” may end up sounding like a foreign language to your child when he’s having a fit with you in the kitchen. Save the logic for later. Wait until your child calms down, then have a problem solving discussion.

3. With younger kids: Don’t coddle. Give a little distance. When a younger child is having a tantrum, the temptation can be to pick up the child just to get him to stop or to walk away. I’ve found that a better approach is to move away slightly and help them start to learn how to calm down. For example, if your child is on the floor kicking and screaming, you might say, “I wish I could help you calm yourself down. Maybe you can lie on the couch for a bit until you can get it together.” Let your child learn that managing his emotions is his problem to solve. Not yours.

4. No matter how much they push, don’t re–negotiate. When your child is screaming and reacting angrily, it can be intimidating. Parents have a tendency to re–negotiate after bad behavior in these situations because they’re having a hard time handling their own emotions. Remember: if you give in and re–negotiate, your child learns that angry outbursts work for him. Instead, wait until he calms down, then talk about the steps he can take to solve his problem.

Should You Give Consequences for Losing Control? This is an important question I wanted to address in this part of your plan. I believe that if a child becomes angry and loses control now and again after misbehavior, you should give consequences for the misbehavior, not the anger. However, if angry outbursts have become a pattern for your child, and it’s clear that he’s using anger as a way to deal with his problems on a regular basis, then you do want to give him consequences for that. Not a punishment, but a consequence that will motivate him to find a more effective way to solve his problem besides lashing out at you and others.

Please take a look at the article by our Parental Support Team called Angry Child Outbursts on Empowering Parents. You’ll get 6 more tips that you can use with your child when he explodes on you. Also check out my husband James’ article, Anger with an Angle. He’ll show you how to talk to your child about misbehavior in a way that will keep the anger from flaring up.

We’ll see you tomorrow with the next part of your Personal Parenting Plan.

This is a lot of great information! Don't challenge! NOVEL! Why hadn't I thought of it. Of COURSE he's not going to be able to employ logic when he's angry! I have from time to time sent him to his room to continue his angry outburst and when he's calm he can come back out and talk to me about whatever is bothering him, but not often enough. Like last night... I tried to talk to him and find out what was wrong before he had calmed down.

I always re-negotiate with him when he's angry just to get the anger to stop! For now on I'll just let him have his fit, then talk it out with him. I mean, that's what I do with my 2 year old daughter whose going through her 2 year old tantrum stage. Let her kick and scream it out, calm down and then tell her how it is. Why don't I also do this with my son? It makes total sense! BRILLIANT!

This is why I have chosen to take two approaches to my son's behavior - because sometimes we parents need to be trained too.

The Link Between Gluten and ADHD according to Dr. Mercola

Dr. Mercola wrote an article showing the link between ADHD and Celiac Disease. While my son has not been diagnosed with either illness, he shows signs of ADHD. Through my research, I have learned that there is a link between what happens in our gut and what happens in our brains. Dr. Mercola mentions this in his article as well.

What harm does it do to cut gluten from the diet of a child who is exhibiting signs of ADHD? None. No harm is done.

Anyhow, the article is great and I wanted to link it here. It is also stored in the references tab for ease of access later. :)

Child have ADHD? Stop Feeding Them This - Dr. Mercola

Parent Teacher Conferences

1st quarter parent teacher conferences didn't go as well as we would have liked.

We met with DS's kindergarten teacher on October 10 and this is what she had to say. I'm going to rewrite his Kindergarten Progress report, which illustrates how well he does at each assessed skill. The teacher used symbols like x, / and *. I gave them numerical values to be easier to understand. Anything is quotes is the teacher's note behind the assessed skill.

Kindergarten Progress Report
Score:
3 - student demonstrates development of goal consistently
2 - student is currently working on developmental goal
1 - student needs improvement of developmental skill

Social skills
2 - listens carefully "talks"
3 - raises hand
3 - is secure in speaking
3 - offers information during discussions
3 - is responsible
1 - works in groups (shares, takes turns, is kind)
2 - follows routines "needs reminders"

Academic Skills
3 - knows 10 colors
3 - recognizes 10 basic shapes
3 - can count 10 objects
3 - can recognized numbers 0-10
3 - can write first name "be sure to use lowercase"
1 - works well (stays on task, quietly, independently, puts forth effort, finishes on time)

Comments: DS is doing well in academics, likes books and contributes to discussions! DS needs to work on his talking in class while working. Has a hard time working in groups without supervision. 

Hopefully our next parent teacher conference shows some improvement in his social skills. 

She asked about our gluten free diet and when we told her that we had let it lax into non-existence, she suggested we re-implement it to see if it helps his behavior. We felt really beaten down by the feedback she gave us, like we were failing as his parents and failing to teach him right from wrong. 

I asked her if it was possible that he could be bored and that was contributing to his behavior issues in class and she assured me that the day is busy enough that he can't be bored... ok, bored was apparently the wrong word to use... I guess challenged would have been a better word. She told us that she teaches to many levels in class to keep those who are more advanced engaged and learning - who am I to doubt her? I just think it's wrong that she says my son fails to apply himself simply because he wishes to no longer color a picture she assigned him. He applied the correct color to all the areas of the picture, but because he didn't fully fill it in with color, he was not applying himself. Maybe she's right, maybe she's wrong. She has been teaching for 30 years and I've only been a mom or 5. I guess we'll wait and see what the next assessment indicates. Hopefully the gluten-free diet helps us to mold him into a well behaved student. 

Introducing our son

My son is 5 years old. For the last couple of years, we have been battling some concerning behavior issues. He is disruptive in school, defies rules, exhibits aggressive behaviors, is loud, easily excited, emotionally charged, and difficult to control. His preschool teacher commented on his behavior last year and was very helpful in discussing discipline options with us. She used a color system to indicate his behavior while at school and we would discipline as we felt was appropriate when he got home in the evenings. This only worked for a short period of time.

Next we tried separating him from the class thinking that maybe he wasn't being challenged enough with the daily lessons. He was sent with the Teacher's Aide to start working on sight words. This worked very well for a longer period of time than the first approach, but was short-lived because the school year came to a close.

He then started attending a summer program that is affiliated with the school. There were a few instances of unacceptable behavior that was documented (hitting friends, talking back to teachers, etc), but I think a lot of his misbehavior was ignored or dealt with using time-outs and not communicated with us.

Before kindergarten started, I attempted to transition our son to a gluten-free diet becasue during my own studies on Primal and Paleo, I learned that gluten can have behavioral rammifications in children. This seemed to work but it could also have been the start of school that changed his behavior - new surroundings to explore and learn about that engaged his attention. Now, however, things are getting out of control again - as is his diet.

We had parent teacher conferences last week and the teacher was essentially telling us how terrible our child is. She said he's very smart but he fails to obey the rules, fails to follow direction, fails to remain on task, fails to apply himself and prefers to do his own thing regardless of the instructions given to him. She then asked about his gluten-free diet. We had to confess that we'd gotten away from it for various reasons (excuses, really) and would reimplement immediately.

The school has agreed to let us bring fresh fruit, cheeses, fresh baked homemade goodies, etc, to the school for his snacks. The after-school program has agreed to feed him snacks from home as well. There will be instances where my son will have gluten-containing foods - like on chicken nugget day at school. Our son is a pickier eater, but is coming around. We have recently discovered he loves mashed potatoes and just about any meat with gravy on it.

So this is us, reimplementing.