Update

Just a quick update. I was too busy this weekend to post an update, so here you go.

Friday, DS got in trouble at the daycare. They sent a note home with him stating that he fought with a kid while they were playing a game, got placed in time out numerous times and asked multiple times to change his current action to something else (redirection, I suppose). I coded this as red on his behavior chart. The daycare rarely notifies me of his behavior, so to get a note is pretty significant, I think.

Saturday, DH and I went hunting, so DS was with his grandma. She said he was pretty good, but as soon as we showed up, he got hyper and crazy. Running through the house, purposely running into things, just generally wound up. Got him home without too many tears and we took naps. When he woke up, my mom was there to babysit because DH and I went hunting again. (DH got a deer, so that's a plus. Super Paleo food for the freezer!!)

Sunday, I took DS with me to go grocery shopping. We stopped by the hospital to get our blood drawn for some labs (me for cholesterol and thyroid screening and DS for a lead screening for kindergarten). Then we went to the grocery store. He was pretty good. He was bored, so of course he was doing things that were kind of annoying me, but in general, he was well behaved. He wasn't running through the store, he wasn't being loud. He was just being antsy and bored. We had trouble come naptime though. He didn't want to lay down and take his nap. I finally turned the channel on the tv from his cartoons (I was letting him nap on the couch as a treat for being so good during our shopping adventure) and he eventually fell asleep. I think he slept for about an hour and a half. Not entirely sure though b/c I slept too. ;)

That evening, we had some sibling fighting taking place, some general "I don't want to do this" attitude, and DD was whiney and driving me bonkers. We had dinner, we had baths. I sat down with DS to do his reading assignment for school and he was being a turd... that's all the better I can explain it. I know he knew the words but he was choosing not to read them. I finally took the book from him and said "Fine. If you're not going to do this right, you might as well just go to bed. I'm not fighting you anymore." I got up, put DD to bed (who fought me for the next half hour). DS finally decided that he would read the materials he was supposed to read, read them flawlessly, and went to bed. It was frustrating to say the least.

Monday started out HORRIBLY, though! DS didn't want to listen, the dogs took off and wouldn't come back and the cat snuck out the door when I opened it to call the dogs. I was a half hour late to work after finally finding the dogs and getting them locked in the house - with the help of my mother-in-law and neighbor. I could just tell it was going to be a splendid day for DS at school because he was upset about his dogs being gone. I called the daycare to let them know that the dogs were home so they could tell DS. He ended up getting blue for the day at school because he wouldn't listen. So, no cartoons, computer, Leapster games, etc for DS last night. He went to bed without a fuss.

This morning was a dream come true! I only had to ask him twice to put his underwear on. I only had to ask him twice to put his pants on. He didn't have a fit when I cracked the egg into the pan for his breakfast instead of him. He ate his breakfast without constant reminders to eat. He went to the car when told. He did whine that his bookbag was too heavy and that he wasn't able to get out of the car b/c it was too heavy and wanted me to carry it, etc. I told him he was fine, helped him out of the car and that was it. I am confident that he will end up with either yellow or green today. I asked him what color he was going to get and he said "Yellow. Y-E-L-L-O-W yellow". lol Goofy kid. I hope does.

He is officially 4 days gluten free. He complained about his lunch being "boring". I asked him what he wants for lunch. He said "Pizza". I replied with "gluten". I told him what he gets is basically a lunchable, which he loved, but without crackers, and he never complained about his lunchables. I told him he gets juice and a go-gurt every day and that he loves his go-gurt and his juice. I told him he can have whatever meat and whatever cheese he wants, but at a minimum, he will have meat and cheese in his lunch for his protein and fat. If he wants anything in addition to that, he's welcome to it, as long as it fits in the parameters of the no gluten requirement. Of course, I used language a 5 year old would understand. He seemed content with that decision. He did, however, tell me he doesn't want cold lunch today, he wants hot... so I need to check the school lunch menu and make sure that whatever he's having today will be gluten free or we're starting over... again.

Today's lunch is a "mega burger with bun", broccoli and rice dish, carrot sticks and mandarin oranges. Aside from the bun, I'd be happy with that lunch. Tomorrow might be a bigger fight, though... they're having white cake with chocolate frosting... might have to whip up that batch of gluten free brownies that's sitting in the pantry and send one with him so he doesn't want the cake. :)

Anyhow, that's a quick synopsis of our weekend and the start of our week.

Relatively Smooth Morning

After yesterday's rough morning and DS getting red at school for behavior, I thought for sure last night would also be a troubling night. In keeping with the "sure fire consequences" I read about at Empowering Parents, he lost cartoons, computer time, and certain toys, and was to be sent to bed by 8 pm. After I picked him up and we discussed why he got in trouble at school, he promised me that he would be good for me. And he was. There were instances where he was very obviously trying to annoy his sister (standing in front of her while she was watching cartoons, standing in her way so she couldn't walk by, etc), but for the most part, he was very well behaved. He ate a really good dinner, we read a book (kind of - the book was beyond his level of reading and was an ISpy book that was beyond his level of picture finding skill), and he pretty much just chilled. It was almost like the calm after the storm...

This morning was relatively smooth too. Dear husband (DH) was home and awake, so he "helped". I haven't communicated my fears of ODD to him yet because he's been working second shift and I want to talk to him in person about it, show him the literature I've looked at and what approach I want to take. He did what we always do and tried to gain control by being bigger and louder. Reminding DS to get dressed in a demanding fashion, which is exactly what I would have done a week ago. In some cases, I'll just dress DS myself because it's faster and easier. DH thinks that is silly because we can't dress him forever. I think getting dressed without numerous reminders will be one of the things I put on his behavior chart when we start that.

There was little yelling and reminding and correcting this morning in comparison to yesterday. Hopefully we don't have another day like yesterday... Additionally, I hope today is a yellow day. Even more hopeful that gluten is all we have to change dietarily to assist in the behavior fix. I REALLY hope milk isn't a trigger. 

I guess we'll wait and see what color he brings home today. One day at a time.

Parenting Techniques for ODD

Because I don't want to only focus on diet, because really, diet is only a portion of what we need to do to make life easy, I am also going to look into parenting techniques for children with ODD. Again, my son may not actually HAVE ODD, but he displays an alarming number of the signs and symptoms.

I have been searching the web all day and found a website called Empowering Parents. They have a questionnaire you can answer to receive specialized parenting tips for children who have or may have ODD. I asked for information regarding angry outbursts or explosive behavior , disrespect or verbal abuse, hitting or destroying property, and Ignoring disciplinary efforts and consequences. I plan to copy and paste the emails here for future reference, but mostly because I think it's great information that could help someone else out.

Here is the first email, focusing on angry outbursts. Not surprisingly at all, I have been going about this all wrong. No wonder we're not getting anywhere with him!

Your Personal Parenting Plan

Dear Jenn,

When your child has angry outbursts if he doesn’t get his way, it sets you and your entire family on edge. Most parents never anticipate having to deal with explosive behavior in their child and, understandably, have no idea how to handle it. But you need to know what to do because, if left unchecked, this behavior can spell big trouble later on for your child.

In this part of your Personal Parenting Plan, I’ll give you 4 rules that I’ve found to be very effective when dealing with children who act out in anger.

1. Don’t challenge your child when he’s angry. Many times parents deal with angry outbursts by challenging their kids in the heat of the moment or yelling back. Challenging or confronting your child about misbehavior when he’s angry is like throwing a lit match onto a pile of firecrackers. The result will be an outburst that’s bigger, hotter and angrier. The best immediate response to your child’s anger is no emotion at all. Just stay as level and calm as you can. When you can stay calm, you’re lending your child your strength in these moments.

2. Don’t try to reason or use logic with a child who’s losing it. Sometimes parents do the opposite of the angry challenge. They try reasoning or being logical with the child when he’s having a tirade. At first blush, this might seem to make sense. After all, as adults we use logic to work through tense, difficult situations. The problem is, children and teenagers don’t have the ability to stop and reason the way we do. Your “logic” may end up sounding like a foreign language to your child when he’s having a fit with you in the kitchen. Save the logic for later. Wait until your child calms down, then have a problem solving discussion.

3. With younger kids: Don’t coddle. Give a little distance. When a younger child is having a tantrum, the temptation can be to pick up the child just to get him to stop or to walk away. I’ve found that a better approach is to move away slightly and help them start to learn how to calm down. For example, if your child is on the floor kicking and screaming, you might say, “I wish I could help you calm yourself down. Maybe you can lie on the couch for a bit until you can get it together.” Let your child learn that managing his emotions is his problem to solve. Not yours.

4. No matter how much they push, don’t re–negotiate. When your child is screaming and reacting angrily, it can be intimidating. Parents have a tendency to re–negotiate after bad behavior in these situations because they’re having a hard time handling their own emotions. Remember: if you give in and re–negotiate, your child learns that angry outbursts work for him. Instead, wait until he calms down, then talk about the steps he can take to solve his problem.

Should You Give Consequences for Losing Control? This is an important question I wanted to address in this part of your plan. I believe that if a child becomes angry and loses control now and again after misbehavior, you should give consequences for the misbehavior, not the anger. However, if angry outbursts have become a pattern for your child, and it’s clear that he’s using anger as a way to deal with his problems on a regular basis, then you do want to give him consequences for that. Not a punishment, but a consequence that will motivate him to find a more effective way to solve his problem besides lashing out at you and others.

Please take a look at the article by our Parental Support Team called Angry Child Outbursts on Empowering Parents. You’ll get 6 more tips that you can use with your child when he explodes on you. Also check out my husband James’ article, Anger with an Angle. He’ll show you how to talk to your child about misbehavior in a way that will keep the anger from flaring up.

We’ll see you tomorrow with the next part of your Personal Parenting Plan.

This is a lot of great information! Don't challenge! NOVEL! Why hadn't I thought of it. Of COURSE he's not going to be able to employ logic when he's angry! I have from time to time sent him to his room to continue his angry outburst and when he's calm he can come back out and talk to me about whatever is bothering him, but not often enough. Like last night... I tried to talk to him and find out what was wrong before he had calmed down.

I always re-negotiate with him when he's angry just to get the anger to stop! For now on I'll just let him have his fit, then talk it out with him. I mean, that's what I do with my 2 year old daughter whose going through her 2 year old tantrum stage. Let her kick and scream it out, calm down and then tell her how it is. Why don't I also do this with my son? It makes total sense! BRILLIANT!

This is why I have chosen to take two approaches to my son's behavior - because sometimes we parents need to be trained too.

Rough Morning - Oppositional Definance Disorder

We had a rough morning today. Dear Son (DS) was doing everything in his power to completely defy my demands that he stop certain behaviors (making various noises with his mouth - clicking his tongue, slurping sounds, etc). It was like he was deliberately trying to annoy me. It was a rough morning with frustration, yelling and tears. Not the way I want to start the day. I tried my hardest to remain calm and correct his behavior with calm instructions but after directing your son to stop making these noises SIX TIMES I tend to get a bit frustrated. And what is worse is that my daughter followed his lead and started also making the noises. I finally resorted to a single swat on the butt to get his attention and indicate that I am serious when I tell him to stop doing something.

What is weird to me is that he was a beautifully behaved child before having breakfast. He got dressed without much fuss (I had to ask him a couple times to put his pants on instead of playing with them, but I don't consider that to be defiance, just a kid being a kid). So, this makes me wonder if something in his breakfast triggered his behavior this morning. He had 1 egg and sausage as usual. Maybe he has a sensitivity to eggs or something. I already get the "cleanest" sausage available in the stores. Aside from being made from CAFO meat, it has no other alarming qualities. No MSG, no sugar, no preservatives... It's the sausage I ate when I was following the Whole30 protocol.

Anyhow, as I was thinking about this blog in the shower this morning, I thought about seeking out information on Oppositional Defiance Disorder as well b/c my kid isn't really hyper, he just defiant. And a friend of my sister has her daughter on medication for the same disorder. I thought if I found some information on diet change and ODD, I could share it with her so her daughter could be taken off of medication.

So, I started searching. I found a forum where someone posted information from the Mayo Clinic regarding ODD. DS has a LOT of signs of ODD. And from what I'm finding, ODD is another mental health disorder that can benefit greatly from diet change.

Here is what the Mayo describes as ODD. The signs I feel my son expresses are in red.

Your child may be displaying signs of ODD instead of normal moodiness if the behaviors:

• Are persistent
• Have lasted at least six months
• Are clearly disruptive to the family and home or school environment

The following are behaviors associated with ODD:

• Negativity
• Defiance
• Disobedience
• Hostility directed toward authority figures

These behaviors might cause your child to regularly and consistently:

• Have temper tantrums
• Be argumentative with adults
• Refuse to comply with adult requests or rules
• Annoy other people deliberately
• Blames others for mistakes or misbehavior
• Acts touchy and is easily annoyed
• Feel anger and resentment
• Be spiteful or vindictive
• Act aggressively toward peers
• Have difficulty maintaining friendships
• Feel a lack of self-esteem - I'm not sure if he really expresses this one or not... it's possible.
• Have academic problems - I wish they had defined this a bit more. He's a smart kid and does well academically, but has problems minding the teacher... does that qualify as academic problems?

In addition, your child isn't likely to see his or her behavior as defiant. Instead, your child will probably believe that unreasonable demands are being placed on him or her.

Wow. Not sure why I chose to differentiate between what he displays and doesn't display since I highlighted them all... So, now that I have a pretty good suspicion for what we're dealing with - ODD instead of ADHD/ADD, maybe we can build steam and nip this in the bud. From what I've read, ODD goes further than just gluten sensitivity and we will also have to evaluate dairy intolerance and color additive sensitivities. I guess this weekend I'll get some almond milk and see if he'll drink it.

I'll probably be posting a lot of links or doing a lot of article reviews today. Sorry if I blow up your inboxes. ;)